Counting The Cost

I wanted to talk about something that has been on my heart as of late, something that we don't talk about seriously enough, almost ever. It will be a series of posts as I could not possibly put everything I want to say in one post. 

I want to talk about the cost of pornography. 

It's become a social norm, especially for young guys and it's almost expected for them to be watching and engaging with it. It is abnormal to find a guy in the 21st century who does not struggle with issues of temptation or of pornography. Think about that. With that said, Women have the same silent struggles as men with even less said about the costs. 

Have you ever walked into a newsagent and noticed a ripped man without his top on in any one of the leading women magazines? Buying a magazine with an barely-clothed lady on the front requires you to be over 18 but not so for the ladies. No wonder that everybody is confused about sexuality when we have these images flying in from every direction. No-one is immune from it so let’s not even pretend that it doesn't influence us. 

More and more though, I am realising the cost that is coming from the sexualisation of our youth and young adults. It's not a one-track approach; it is multifaceted and affects almost every single area of life.

Christians especially are hidden on this issue. They pretend that they don't struggle, yet stats show that 50% of all pastors have looked at porn in the last month. The #1 day that people look at porn is on Sunday. Let's get real with our own short-comings. 

Let's cut the crap, move all the shadiness away from it and have a look at what it is really costing us. 

The Cost to Society

I guess this one is the easiest to talk about because it is the immediately obvious one. In case you haven't noticed, our society loves sex. 

It loves everything about it and it shows. Approximately, $12 billion dollars is a year is spent on porn. The average age of a person’s first viewing of porn is 11. Furthermore, 90% of kids aged 8 to 16 will have looked at porn. That's guys, girls and everyone in-between. 

This has a number of impacts. 

#1 - It leads to insignificant relationships. 

Research is showing that the more porn you watch, the less likely you are to have a long-term positive relationship with the opposite sex. They stop becoming a person and start to become an object for you to lust over, which means that you cannot create a significant bond with them. This isn't just a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship, but any interaction with the opposite sex. 

Once someone becomes a something, it's only so long until they get burnt and deeply hurt. 

#2 - It destroys 'good' sex. 

Porn destroys good sex by showing the bare physical basics and leaving out the intimacy and love which defines 'good sex'. Furthermore, sex becomes something you can 'use' to feel good, because that is the only thing that porn has taught you. It stops becoming about 'two' people and instead gets focused on what you can get from the other person. Many peoples first introduction to sex will be porn and it can be a lasting one. If porn is all that you know, then it's no wonder that we have so many broken relationships.

Good sex is so much more than just the bare physical basics. It involves intimacy, connection and love. Without any of those three, it's just meaningless. 

#3 - It leads to insecurity

This is a big one on both sides of the divide. 

Porn is affecting the way that men and women think about each other, and it’s affecting the way that we think about ourselves and the way we think about sexuality.

For woman, it is making them feel insignificant and 'unsexy'. They are trying to live up to these standards shown by porn that are impossible. This is true of most images shown of women on TV. It doesn't even need to be porn, just look at any magazine or TV image of a beautiful woman. 

Women are consistently told to be loved they need to be that beautiful. Women are told how valuable they are is based upon how attractive or useful they are, most often to men. What a bunch of absolute, 100% crap. 

They need to be shown the complete opposite of this. It is important to feel good about yourself, but you should never let someone define you by how you measure up to a fake version of beauty. Don't let yourself be valued by how 'useful'. Men, tell your partner, female friends and family that they are beautiful because they deserve it. 

For guys, this is equally true. We don't talk about it and its a different kind of feeling. Women, listen up because you may not have ever heard this before. Your man's greatest fear is that he will not be enough for you. 

When you read those books, and look at those images of burly men and you get that 'look' in your eyes the same thing happens. Men get told that they aren't good looking enough, that they aren't physical enough, that they need something else to complete them. Women, you can give your man enough confidence that he would climb a mountain or wrestle a lion but on the other hand, you can be the one who takes the legs out from under him. What will it be? 

These are just the start. I'm not naive enough to think that porn alone has led to all of these problems. You know what has armed porn though. 

Our inability to be honest and talk about it…

So what will your response be?