Loving Jesus When It Hurts.

This has been a tough year so far, filled with a lot of suffering. 

I've gone through a lot in terms of my health, in terms of my well-being, my passion and my desires. There have been mistakes. There have been monumental let-downs and seeing people close to me at breaking point. People are dying, friends are suffering. This year has been one with a lot of pain in it. 

There not much like pain to destroy your relationship with God.  Sometimes the damage that pain and heartache brings is more damaging than the actual pain and heartache. I know for certain it hurts a lot more. 

Something people often do is to say to God, 'love me, please' .. We need God to love us. We need him to fill that gap in our lives that has been torn open by the pain. We're the ones in pain, we're the ones in need. I think this causes a problem for us though .. it makes us turn away from God. We say 'love me' but what is really going on is a desperate need for God to fix our problems. I know all about that. 

When we do that though, we turn away from God, expecting him to change us. At the very moment we need him most, we pull away from him. We withdraw. Then something worse happens, because not only do we have the pain, we 'lose' the feeling of God. It's not that he's not there, we've just turned our back on him. Sometimes it takes weeks, months and even years to recover that relationship. 

Something changes when we do the opposite. When we turn to Jesus in the midst of all the pain and the suffering and the heartache and say "I love you" .. then it changes. We find love and a change happens. When you love God, in the mist of all this crap that goes on, it opens up your heart to him and allows him to 'fix you'. 

Too often we want what we can't have. We want understanding and for everything to go away. I'm slowly learning that understanding doesn't actually matter as much as I thought it did.  You don't get understanding. It's something that only comes with hindsight. Even if you did find understanding, it wouldn't change the situation. 

We don't need understanding.

We need God. 

So if you know someone who is going through some terrible stuff, pass this on to them. I don't know what you're going through, but I'm going through some crap stuff too. I don't know what your friends say about you, but man. I love you. Jesus loves you too. I don't know your family situation but I know that Jesus cares. 

If you want change, then love Jesus because he will be the change in your life that gives you back the meaning in it.