Leaving PORN Behind.

Over the last week, we have looked into the cost of pornography on not only society, but partners, industry and finally you. This will be the last post and hopefully, the most useful. You see, after getting real and discussing the hard details of porn I want to write something practical and useful.

So many times we label porn as a problem, but don't actually give any answers. When we debrief as a leadership team in my ministry (Youth) we have a simple rule. If something didn't work, propose a solution. Don't make problems, make answers.

So this is what I will attempt to do.

If you are struggling with porn, whether it be internet, erotic novels or magazines then these are some simple and effective ways to help you.

#1 - Tell a couple of trusted friends.

No man or woman is strong enough to defeat porn on their own. You cannot beat an addiction by yourself. There is something very empowering and freeing about humblying yourself and admitting weakness to people that you trust. Without this step, nothing else will work. By staying silent, you stay beaten. 

#2 - Get Accountable, Not Confessional.

Confession is fantastic but it is only the first step. I have been involved in a number of accountability groups, but eventually they turn into confessional groups. You need to find guys or girls who are totally commited to supporting you for the long-haul. Find someone who is emotionally invested in your future. You need to find someone who understands what you are going through and will love you when you fail but at the same time, tell you that it is not acceptable.

I have a special situation in that my main accountability partner is my girlfriend. She understands what I am going through and she is the one who loves me enough to ask tough questions for the long haul. I don't suggest this to everybody, because the emotional challenge involved is high and not every girlfriend or boyfriend can be understanding, loving and involved in this area. It may hurt your relationship, it may not. 

Find someone willing to hold you to a standard of excellence in your life. Just know that every time an accountability partnership stops, you are less likely to risk being vulnerable with someone else later on. Do it right the first time, take it seriously and don't let it become just another thing you failed to do properly. 

#3 - Know your vulnerable points and avoid them.

I'm most vulnerable to porn when I am tired, alone, upset or stressed. When I notice that I'm in one of these stages, I do not believe the lie that I am strong enough to resist on my own just this once. Do not even flirt with the idea. Know when you are most vulnerable and run from these situations. Go to bed early, leave the house, call a friend, have a drink, go for a run, do whatever you have to do to avoid the vulnerable point before it is too late.

#4 - Never assume that you will be 'ok'.

It's easy for confidence to turn into pride, which can quickly turn into one more failed attempt. Earlier this year, I thought I had overcome porn only to come crashing down soon after. Be excited for yourself, but never let your guard down just because you've gone 100 days, 1000 days or 10,000 days without looking at porn. Never let your gaurd down. You will never be immune to this temptation, you are always vulnerable. The smallest trigger can set off a whole series of thoughts and desires, so stay alert and never get lazy in this area.

#5 - Seek Jesus.

I do not care who you are. I do not care where you've been. I do not care what your opinion is of religion. If you want to beat porn, then seek Jesus because he will set you free. Pornography will entrap you with lies, with false truths and standards. In contrast, God can lead us into the truth. Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free" (John 8:31-32). 

Look into it because it will change your life and set you free. Pick up John (fourth book of the New Testament) and look into what Jesus stood for and what he did. You don't have to be religious, just take a look. Jesus is the only thing that got me out of my own situation. 

Study a lie and they will make another lie up, Study the truth and you'll know when a lie comes. 

#6 - Stay honest with your partners.

If you continue to fail, it is very difficult to swallow your pride and admit it to your accountability partners. Lying or misleading them is only cheating yourself and sabotaging yourself into failure. They want to support you, encourage you and kick you in the ass when you need it. Let them help you.

#7 -  Don't beat yourself up.

Sorrow and shame is one thing, but depression and questioning self-worth because of repeated failure is exactly the kind of defeated life the enemy wants you to live. Admit your failure to your accountability partner, pick yourself up, mark a new day on the calender and move on.

You can beat this. I know this because I have lived that life and come out the other side. I am free.

There may be times that I stuff up or make a mistake, but I have left that revolving door of misery, self-pity and loathing behind.

So can you.